Each week, we submit your questions to our experts. This week we asked Nik Wilson (owner operator of online Adult Store, For Her Box – and his & their pleasure ) some questions about sex, sex toys, lubricant & more.
“I’ve had a reaction to a lubricant and scared to use again, what would you recommend?”
There is so many (thousands) of lubricants on the market, it can be overwhelming and confusing as to what to use when to use it. There are 2 main types of lubricant are Water-based or Silicone-based (there is oil-based and hybrids but for the sake of this answer let’s focus on just these 2). Water-based is great for those that want something more natural feeling and is safe to use with sex toys, flavoured lubricants are also water-based to ensure they are safe for oral sex. Silicone-based is great for those that want something longer-lasting, or to use in water (bath, shower etc) and even great for anal sex as the anus is not self-lubricating (more on this in another question later). However Silicone-based lubricants can not be used on Silicone sex toys (which is your safest material sex toy to be using), just remember when it comes to lube or storage, Silicone can’t touch other silicone. Now as for sensitivity, I’d shy away from any that have a warming or cooling effect (as they are usually the culprit for unwanted sensations) and opt for one made for sensitive skin such as the Jo Agape or the Wicked Simply (these lubes are free from any nasties and have amazing properties and there is a reason they are triple the price of a supermarket lubricant). If you are wanting a great silicone-based lube, Uberlube is a customer favourite.
I also recommend a spot test on your inner elbow first then try a small amount on yourself prior to play. You should always tell your DR if you ever have a reaction to a product as could be an underlying issue.
I welcome all questions regards lubricant and request for the right lubricant recommendation for your needs. You can ask me anytime at [email protected]
“I can’t orgasm from penetrative sex at all, is there something wrong with my vagina?”
So many people can’t not orgasm from penetrative sex alone, you are not alone at all, I’d be a billionaire if I had a dollar for every time I am messaged this. There is nothing wrong with you, or your partner. A lot of us with vaginas need a combination of things to orgasm from sex, whether that’s a clear mind to getting the blood pumping in foreplay to the most common – CLITORAL STIMULATION.
There are many ways you can still orgasm during sex, sex being the whole act before, during and after. I know for myself I prefer oral sex and to orgasm first, then we have intercourse where my husband will have his, I really enjoy the feeling of intercourse immediately after having an orgasm and there is no pressure on either of us then to orgasm from penetrative sex. There are times I also don’t want/have oral sex beforehand and if I want to orgasm I can do that in multiple ways, clitoral stimulation during intercourse whether via my fingers or a palm-held clit toy (toy is way easier and the way my arthritis is in my hands I doubt I even could with my hands anymore) or after sex, I get out one of my favourite toys to orgasm (husband is still involved either holding it or just holds me/caresses me).
“I want to try anal sex, but I am scared for my butthole! Help”
I say this in the least biased way possible but start with a small toy first. I also do NOT recommend a numbing lubricant, if you are numb you don’t have as much control or feeling and that is where you could be faced with issues of tears/injury. Instead invest in a good quality specifically made for Anal, lubricant. There are some amazing ones on the market with relaxing properties and healing properties. Lube is a must, whether it’s with a toy, finger or penis, it will be much more enjoyable and easier! If you are just starting out, I’d get a complete kit that includes a plug, a toy, a lubricant applicator, a douche and finger condoms and gloves. Have a play around with fingers and toys before jumping straight into anal sex with a penis! Also, foreplay is your friend, being relaxed and warmed up. When it comes time to anal sex, there is many positions you can try to make it easier and more enjoyable for you. I’d also recommend reading my Anal Sex Q&A here.
“My partner ejaculates too quickly, what can I do to help him last longer?
The very first thing is to comfort him and let him know it’s quite common and sometimes all it takes is a quick trip to the GP for help. In saying this I can also recommend some products and methods to help delay ejaculation. There is a range of products such as delay condoms, delay serums/sprays (avoid numbing ones) and cockrings. As for methods, endurance training, masturbation and edging can help. I wrote a quick blog on “Fun ways to Delay” have a read and also maybe send him the link.
“My partner is a FIFO worker, I’ve heard of toys that can work remotely, is this true”.
Sure, is and more and more toys are becoming app controlled (which means someone else can control it via an app on their phone, anywhere in the world!) Some of these toys sync up with each other too which means you are both experiencing the same stroke at the same time! The most common brands that do app-controlled toys are We-Vibe and Lovense but others are quickly joining the market such as the new Svakom Neo range (this range also interacts with 2D videos! And is also loved by cam performers/subscribers). You could be going about your day wearing the Jive and your partner can send some sneaky vibes your way on their lunch break from thousands of kilometres away!
“I’ve spoken to my partner and the next thing we want to try in the bedroom is a strap on”
Strap-ons are very popular whether for lesbians, transgender, people with erection issues (you can buy hollow ones) and more so recently, straight and bisexual men that want their female partner to “peg them”.
There are many harnesses on the market to suit your style and size (feel free to message me anytime to check sizing for you though most are adjustable), some even have a bullet in the front of harness to provide stimulation to the wearer as well. Then there are many dildos that can be worn in the harnesses, ranging from slim shapes ideal for pegging, large penis like dildos and even vibrating dildos! I love the tantus range of dildos and they have shapes and sizes to suit most. Another thing to consider for pegging is a ramp, this can make things easier for you both positioning wise (plus a lot of fun to be had trying new positions with the aid of good ramp/sex wedge). And as always, lube. If you only ever buy 1 thing off me, be it lubricant.
“Everyone’s talking about glass toys and how they use them to squirt! But the thought of glass does not sound appealing, please explain”
I had this business for 4 years before I had the courage to try glass, so I totally understand. I had customers and sexperts preaching glass and I was selling so many glass toys, I just didn’t get it. I ended up promising a customer one day that I would, so I did. And now I can honestly say it’s my favourite toy that my husband uses on me (I haven’t tried it solo yet). There is something about glass, it’s so different, it’s hard, it’s heavy, it is easily warmed up or cooled down for 2 other added sensations. My husband uses mine on me during oral sex, the first time he used it he thrusted it towards my cervix and this just isn’t what this one is about, the sacred squirter is meant for g-spot stimulation which is just in and up basically think of it as behind your clitoris (though everyone’s is different) , so its more so about just putting it in and up a little and just very small rubbing movements on the g-spot, that during oral sex takes me to a whole new dimension and a very hard strong wet orgasm. Women all over the world are learning to squirt with this exact toy, but I’d learn to just enjoy the toy first without putting immediate pressure on yourself to squirt. You could even use this with an air wave toy and laid out on a special waterproof blanket that provides you comfort to release and you may pleasantly surprise yourself. Glass could break if dropped on a hard surface like concrete but other than that is safe. You can also use any lubricant with glass and it’s also the most hygienic toy. Read more about squirting here.
“I’ve been diagnosed with Vaginismus, what can you recommend to help”
Sorry to hear this but I want to applaud you for seeing a professional to get this diagnosis. So many people suffer in pain and discomfort when there is Dr’s out there that studied their asses off to help people like yourself. For those reading this and not sure what Vaginismus is or what can cause it, have a read here. Whilst your specialist will help you and recommend other services like physio and therapy, I can also make product recommendations. Dilator set will likely be something your Dr recommends which helps you with reducing discomfort and increasing elasticity of the muscles. There is also a more advanced set when you are ready. Jo Renew is a moisturiser for your vagina/vulva that can make things more comfortable for you as well in case you are also suffering from dryness and discomfort. When you feel safe and ready to start exploring yourself sexually, there are some slim toys that you could start off with, the Cici is a slim and flexible vibrator that you could just use barely inside you or you could just use to provide clitoral stimulation. There is also slim dildos when you are ready for penetration. Lubricant is as always a must, I’d consider trying a Hybrid which is a mix between a water-based and silicone-based lubricant, this will be safe to use on the above products and you will find is longer-lasting, feels amazing and is ph balanced, no nasties and actually rich in anti-oxidants.
If you have any questions at all please contact me anytime at [email protected] , I also invite you to join my facebook group (whilst it is still available long story for another time) https://www.facebook.com/groups/forherbox you can ask questions there to myself and other members, there is also a new anonymous post option so no one else will see your name.
A parting note, communication is key, whether that’s communicating to your partner, a doctor or another specialist or therapist. Whilst I can help and want to help with your pleasure, I am at the end of the day the owner of an adult store and in no way a professional in any field, professional sex toy reviewer maybe #perksofthejob